I think we’ve all heard the phrase during our lives, ‘Words Can Hurt’. For many of us we probably first heard it as children as our parents would tell us not to pick on other kids. We also probably heard it off and on through our teen and adult years. But somewhere along the way, probably as adults, we lost the meaning of that phrase. As adults though it is more important for us to understand and focus on this phrase and what it means. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) says it best for me, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
As adults, how many times have we said things to family members, friends, or even strangers that we shouldn’t have? We know we shouldn’t have said it because soon after saying it we feel terrible about it. Our conscience tells us that was not the right thing to say. We know what we just said didn’t add any value to that person’s life but we said it anyway. We fail at times to truly understand the power of our words. Sadly in some cases, we fully understand the power of our words and we intentionally use them to hurt someone else.
The words we say can have a lasting impact on someone and that can be positive or negative. I can still remember both the positive and negative things said to me as I was growing up as a child. These words came from family members, teachers, coaches, friends, etc. Take a moment right now and reflect on the memories you have from your childhood about things, both negative and positive, that were said to you. I bet you can think back pretty far, can’t you? So knowing how lasting the impact of words have been on our lives, why would we want to say something negative to someone, especially a loved one, that would stay with them for years? An even more important question is, how can we keep ourselves from doing that?
The fifth day of the Essentials For Living devotional by Pastor Rick Warren gave us four keys to focus on to build relationships with our words and not tear them down.
1. Stop Excusing
We have to stop giving ourselves excuses for why we said something negative about or to someone. Jen and I both have made a conscious effort to call each other on it when we hear the other one saying something negative about or to someone. We try to hold ourselves accountable for the negative things we say. It has made a huge difference for us.
2. Talk Less
Wow, now this may be the hardest one of all for me because I love to talk! This doesn’t mean we should all go around not speaking to each other. What we have to focus on is when the time has come to keep quiet or stop talking. My wife is very good about this and has a great knack for knowing when something needs to be said and when it doesn’t.
3. Listen More
When we take the time to really listen to others we begin to understand where they are coming from and more importantly what they need. The big key to this one is to listen without judging. This is something I’ve worked on over the years but it can still be difficult because we are human. So when I feel myself getting judgmental I focus more on really listening to what the person is saying to get the judgmental thoughts out of my head.
4. Start Building
Think first about what you could say to help uplift the person. I feel this is one area I’ve been able to really improve upon over the years and this ministry has helped me tremendously. I try to focus on words of encouragement and love that will help to build the other person up, not tear them down.
All of this comes down to us having the desire in our hearts to be a blessing to others. How can we be difference makers in the lives of others? The first step is to focus on the power of our words, understanding that power and then speaking words of love into someone else’s life!
Truth in Love! ~ Chuck