Relationships are something we all have in our lives and these relationships can be on several different levels. They can be intimate or they can be friendly. Relationship is what we are built for. We were made to interact and engage with each other on many different levels. Unfortunately as we look at the relationships we’ve had in our lives, we can probably see a time where on some level we became fearful and pushed away from the relationship. The question then is, why did we and do we continue to do that? One of the answers is something I’ve discussed in previous blogs, Fear.

The 3rd day of the Essentials for Living devotional by Pastor Rick Warren really highlighted three things that fear can do to our relationships with others that I want to talk about.

Fear does three terrible things to relationships:

1. Fear makes us defensive. When people point out weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.

I can really relate to this one in my own relationships. There have been times when Jen would point out things to me in an effort to help me improve and I would automatically get defensive. Instead of me looking at it from the perspective of this is someone who loves me and wants to help me do better I feel like she’s trying to slight me. What is that??!! That is fear taking over and causing us to believe things totally opposite of what we know to be true.

2. Fear keeps us distant. We don’t let people get close to us. We withdraw. We hide our emotions.

I believe this can be evident in a number of our relationships. How many times have we withdrawn from a friendship or relationship just at that point where things were starting to get close? Just at that time when you are just getting to really know each other someone starts to back away and the other person is left wondering why? More often than not it’s fear of getting to close that keeps us apart. We fear that if we get too close and open up too much they will see our flaws and failures. We feel that once this is revealed the other person will reject us and the last thing we want is rejection. So fear tricks us into believing that we would be better off alone than risking that.

3. Fear makes us demanding. The more insecure we are, the more we try to control things. We try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate.

I unfortunately can relate to having done this in relationships before. You feel that it has to be your way all the time because your way has to be the right way because you are always right. How could you be wrong, you are all knowing, right? At least that’s what our ego and pride tells us.

Here is a perfect question and answer from the devotional on this topic.
So where do you get the courage to take the first step to connect with someone and go into a deeper level of intimacy?
You get it from God’s Spirit in your life. The Bible says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT).

God has made us to be loving to others not demanding and full of fear. So the action step for today is to honestly look at our relationships and see where we are letting fear prevent us from becoming closer. Then we need to make a conscious decision to change in those areas. We know God will grant us the strength to do what needs to be done. We just need to take action. Let’s start today!

Truth in Love! ~ Chuck